day one : i lose so many earrings with you

today, this morning,

i flipped the mattress

back up

to how it was

before

you

pulled it down, repositioned the pillows, and spread out the sakura duvet over

you

one less sweatshirt

than before i left the room

i hadn't been able to move it

today, reinvigorated

a day appropriated for action and not questions

for walking and not surveying

with

h o p e

a lacking, coming-and-going, foraflicker-expanding-and-everagain-contracting for three, now, by now, four months

h o p e

i cannot quite believe it

yet

i keep moving

legs going

to make sure i can do all i want

is this

stamina? inertia? i feel 12 again

smart?

determined?

strong?

what a powerful idea,

hope.

∼

as i

rearranged

my atlas bedding

smoothed out creases

we made

as the mattress dug down -

over the continents -

as you plunged into me -

as i grasped hold of you -

my unicorn earring

the cuff

toppled onto your sleeping bag

covering my bedroom floor

you had noted my ear

after tuffles in duvet and sheets

noticing it had gone missing

one gold unicorn left

in my right ear

i knew

as you stared

that it had fallen away

i didn't care
just kept my eyes
on you
my memory
writing miles a minute