day thirteen: aye, there's the rub

i am surprised at myself
i knew productive procrastination existed
but there is a pumpkin spiced vanilla soy concoction to my left
that took roasting a pumpkin and turning it to puree
to create

i stopped mid-dance, around 9 pm
thought and tried to stop
cut up a pumpkin around 10
thought and tried to stop
opened my second set of pencils around 11
began conjugating portuguese verbs
thought and tried to stop

somewhere between the installation in your room
and now
i got it in my head
that japanese and portuguese study were part of us
but that is not
that is me
you and me are
book reading,
habit forming,
self-curing and soothing
endeavors
but those things
take a lot more thought
and they make me hurt
a bit more
they tense up my chest
so meditating, body care
those are easier
to work on for us
i can only read two pages of lacan a sitting
my mind wants to ruminate and let the information settle into me
if i rushed that book
i wouldn't understand what it says

maybe that's the rub