i think of us 
in front of your mirror 
just shades of skin
you standing carrying me and my legs are wrapped around your waist and-

i don't want to get that strong or bulky i want you to hold me and 

i said if i am weak people needed to care about me
that was emotional mental
if i am weak physically 
what
then i need you to hold me, carry me?
that's not a sign of any bad/lacking/subversive thing, is it?

[but
i gave you a piggy back ride through the moat once
i liked that]

if i am strong i dont need you and then i am safe and ready?
if i am weak then i do need you and then all is forbidden?

this is all getting a little too interwoven for kashi

why do i always feel like i am choosing between happiness and health?