lately, last month? running. straight. 30 minutes.

she usually sprint walk sprint walk

co-worker says nono long steady she say ok

every sunday does the kicks

sings the song

smiles, weird i know

evening when no capoeira

she goes to park

plays vamos vadiar angola

and sways about

waiting it to feel part of her

she eats greens and seeds and icky fish on occasion

even though makes little sad

cause understand body craves?

she does all this

and talks about how sad no one holds her hand

kisses lips

wants to be the one to cherish her

who she looks open eyed at, adoring

now that she has been through so much

and lived through so much

finally no one 

wants anymore

she cries, she hates, she gets tired of hate

she sits and wonders how to not sit and cry

and

little by little

better

and then body decided to quit

she was going and going and healed or almost

and then a break of WHAT THE FUCK

i was doing all the things

then something i thought would not come but it came

can i handle this

this is what i've been working toward

and...

8 days passed since it started

(2 days passed after it had ended)

somehow, kashi, r-e-s-i-l-i-e-n-t-?

yes, her

a success

and then body says nonononononono fool

but, still

but, anyway

on the hospital bed

it's not really that i wanted to live

it's not really that i was scared to die

it was just

that i didn't know

what the hell

was happening