i am in the shower
i pause

even though the water is not hot

briefly

(this is briefly okay i am better now)

briefly

my skin disappears

i am just my bones

i can feel nothing but my rib cage 

aching

aching for your arms

if this was before
i would sit down in the tub
and let the tears fall

this is not before
i turn off the water
climb into bed for five minutes tops
and wrap yourmy blanket around me

then i get up and get to work