day 362 : your long sleeved black shirt with orange and yellow and dragon

maybe i should have

kept a piece

maybe

the long sleeved black shirt

to layer over

my shirt and tunic

now

i had forgotten about cold

it is creeping up my spine

pressing in on my shoulders

i push out my chest 

to fight back

i thought

you see

my thinking was

something of

these are pieces

from before

these are pieces you left in my room

or i donned in yours

and maybe

i am working on myself and

i need to be okay

with just my shirts and sweaters and things

and not be holding on so tightly

i wore that black shirt a lot

i thought

you see

my thinking was

something of

there was a lull, a pause, a healing

a wound to 

not stitch up but

to let dirty, wash, to stare at

and then light layer, medium layer, heavy layer of skin

grow.

maybe things should be placed back

before they're picked up again.

maybe it was too full of power

the things that touched your body

and me holding on to them so much

meant i was still clasping

even though, i felt i was okay

it was almost

that holding onto those things was

a lack of trust.

it highlighted a fear that
things would not be.

they were physical. real.
you had taken off that black shirt in my room. it was on the floor. you didn't put it on when you left but you put on your mismatched socks and it happened it happened
 you loved me 

you love me

and if i know that

i should not need your shirt.

it is yours. to keep you warm.