i DO mark the days
in my planner

granted the last 1.5 years
the steady, predictable pattern
has gone haywire.


smiles for ten days
then a disappointment i let get to me
not as badly as i would have before
but a layer or two darker than should be
at this stage of me

the day of, lower stomach hurting
day after, breasts sore
today ankles and lower back

why is it still a surprise
each time