There are three things that helped.

Okay. A lot of things helped.

At the moment, I am just thinking of 2 quotes and 1 event.

One of the quotes was from my friend, Mari in Japan.

She said:

But, why are you crying? Because you talked about things yesterday?
But between last week and this week, nothing has changed, right? You are still in the same situation.  It is your thinking that is changed.

(is this poesy?)
I had learned eighteen types
of incorrect thinking
and yet
somehow
this made the most sense to me

the main point
nothing had changed
it's me that changed

it's me that decides what is
by my thoughts

the last week
i've been quite down
and today
i had a terrible encounter
but the last five hours
i've felt great

and i rerealized how true mari's words were
nothing has changed between me and you thomas, since two days ago
when everything was gloom and deep sorrowful eternity.
now i feel great and pleased with being alive.... and also... being in the same country as you, being able to communicate with you, and see you once in a while

but it is my mood
my view
that changes my feelings about us and love and life and everything
how terrifying and amazing and valuable
to know this


remember remember
it's you that decides