day two hundred and thirty two : maybe it's that friends don't hold me tightly

I don't like meeting new people
not the zeitgeist of now
crowds I
of late
end up in
against all avail.
limited capacity
the people I know
are usually better
anyway

but for some reason
sought two out

I guess I stopped trying for friends
when boyfriends started

when 15
(15...)
discussion with my first love
about how when dating someone
I forget all else
he is 15 too
he says it's important
not to do that
he did it once
regretted it
his friends stayed anyway

it's not that I have bad friends
moments of bliss with many
but
as much as people say otherwise
恋人 is better

well
usually