day : words about the relief of laughing

a few days ago

i thought about lemon vodka

you and a neighborhood clearing
the scissors in my bag
your old bedroom with the door closed
wanting to cut your hair
but wanting to be with you more

i've always thought hair cutting intimate
beauty

i wanted to touch and trim you
desired it

but
you

and i could not pull myself away, even for this sacrament.

a few days ago

i thought about the lemon vodka we drank

the evening i was supposed to cut your hair

how giddy i felt
your vigor
how much we connected and played with our bodies
we still played with them clothed then.

it was easy, us. it fell into our hands.

i wondered what it would be like to drink with you again.
if everything would be much too tense and outlined and ordered
if drinking was to be something i would do alone, or with acquaintances
if drinking was something you could only do with housemates and friends... and not me

today
bliss

and after we left the forest
satiation
acceptance
peace

for me at least

then rockier and greyish
but we kept moving and candlelight and warmer
we bought more drinks by my old bridgemill stand

and we shared quick pieces of information
cute deciding banter
we came out, and i was drinking, can snapped.

a few hours ago

i thought about the lemon vodka we drank

you said something with a hint of something serious
i cracked a joke
cause my brain didn't know enough not to
it was too liquidy
i instantly felt fear throughout
you shrugged talked on
a few moments later
you were grinning and i was smiling
i felt relief

we are walking through a crowd
a narrow space
an evening

and my inside is smiling
we are doing this
we can share other parts of ourselves too
multiple layers

since i've gotten back
i reknow i can be serious with you
i reknow i can be playful with you

but oh-
it's so nice
to share this easy free fuzz with you
too





post script:
i am not sure what happened
when we separated in the museum
you described it a bit

no matter what occurred
what happened friday night gave me hope and relief
and confirmation
of how we
can
be
and how we
can be
in other conscious states too
how it can also work
when we are different versions of ourselves

i'll just know to give you space at intersections