things with housing
didn't use to be hard
i lived with my parents for 18 years
the same house for 15, all i can remember

now
i shudder when anything happens
everything was ok

a blip

maybe i run too fast

i went to my room
i walked calmly
i sat calmly
tears calmly fell from my eyes
as i felt but did not say

no one wants me
i do not belong in this house
no boy wants me
no one wants to be around me
i have no friends here

it is the antithesis
of last week

i recognize the period sadness
i recognize the housing sensitivity
i know my life is not over

but the feeling of not being in the right place
is inside my skin

she took five pictures of the mess
other four were paul's
one was mine
the pan from the cake i made last night
some cake still uncut

i hope/know tomorrow
this won't look or feel as bad

right now
i just cry
i made cake for others, for strangers, to share, to feed, to give, to do
and i get in trouble

why don't i just stand up
and shout back
i just accept and go

tomorrow i won't
tomorrow i say something
i am not the child here
i shouldn't feel all this shame


today
undercovers
cry
wish wish
i could call you

wish wish
i was living
in your room
with you